Where Hearts are Buried
by Zyephen
Summary: What do you do when the person you love most gets engaged to another man? For Renji, the only thing to do is work himself to the bone and figure out how to bury a heart he still needs to live. *M for future chapters*
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys. Been a while since my last fic, and I'm not sure where exactly I'm going with this one just yet, but give it a read and shoot me any ideas you guys might have for it. **

**Chapter 1**

The reception was tomorrow and Rukia was still working on her dress. She'd put off getting it fitted all week, and of course now here she was last minute trying to get it done. Standing on the table, Rukia remained perfectly still as the elderly woman circled around her with a mouth full of pins, hemming the dress until it was perfectly fitted to the young shinigami's petite frame. Staring at herself in the mirror Rukia felt the slightest tinge of excitement knot in her gut. The gown was pure white to contrast her raven locks, and it made her skin practically glow. She wondered if she was really ready for this after all. She was a little anxious, a little afraid, and little excited. It seemed like just last week she'd gotten engaged. It all seemed to be going so fast.

Down the hall, Renji wiped his brow as he delivered the mountain of paperwork his captain had made him do this week. The captain was busy and Renji had been practically pulling a second job doing his captain's papers. He was stressed to the max right now, but with Rukia's wedding coming up, he was happy to be pulling double duty. The less free time he had, the less he had to wallow in misery. He didn't want to think about her, but it was hard to ignore the persistent throbbing of his broken heart. He had to keep busy. He exhaled harshly as he headed back toward the manor's entrance. It seemed like just last week she'd gotten engaged. It all seemed to be going so fast...

It was then that he passed an open door, and through his peripheral vision, caught a glimpse of what he could only deduce was an angel without wings. He stopped dead in his tracks as his eyes took her in, mouth shamelessly agape.

Rukia saw the red-head in the mirror, flipped her veil over her head, and turned to look at him. "Renji! Where've you been? I haven't heard from you in forever." She turned her torso for him to see her dress, trying to avoid moving her feet on the slightly wobbly table. "What do you think?" she asked innocently.

Renji felt his shoulders droop as he looked her up and down before he closed his mouth and swallowed. "You look… beautiful," he said softer than he'd intended.

Rukia smiled, disbelievingly at him, "Oh, shut up. Where've you been anyway? I wanted to give you an invitation, but I haven't seen hide nor hair of you."

Renji felt like he'd just been stabbed in the guts. "Yeah, sorry… I don't think I'll be able t' make it, Rukia."

Rukia looked surprised. "Seriously?" she asked, "It's my wedding… I kinda wanted you to come." Her expression was a mixture of disbelief and confusion.

Renji pursed his lips and diverted his eyes from her piercing gaze. "I'm sorry, I just really don't think I'll be able t' make it," he lied. "since I've got an assignment comin' up." He tried not to notice the despairing look on her face. As the elder woman moved aside, he stepped close to her and tentatively put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't you worry your pretty little head over it. You'll do great. You got people waitin' on ya hand and foot. And ya got the charisma of a Rukongai street rat t' fall back on if all else fails."

"That's what I'm afraid of," she muttered.

The longing and regret in his eyes was practically tangible. "Rukia," he said, his hands moving to grab her petite fingers, "you look beautiful. Your day to shine and you're gonna do it perfect. Watch." He smiled at her, projecting confidence and strength, and everything he wasn't feeling at all in that moment.

Rukia let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding in as the smile crept onto her face.

Renji felt like a lead bullet had just torn it's way through his chest cavity as he watched her smile back at him. He never wanted to let her slip through his fingers, but she was like grains of sand now. "Well, guess I'll get outta your hair." He'd never be able to hold her for longer than this. "Bye Rukia," he whispered as he tilted his head and kissed her cheek tenderly. He lingered just slightly longer than what felt appropriate before he stepped back, letting his fingers slip away from hers' as he backed out, taking in her image once more before he spun on his heels and trotted out the door.

Rukia stared blankly as the seamstress woman came back over and started up on her dress again. She idly reached up and touched her cheek where Renji's warmth still lingered on her skin. It was a strange feeling that befell her then, as the woman working on her dress seemed to disappear along with everything surrounding her. "Renji," she whispered.

It felt like goodbye. He'd said it so nonchalantly, like _'see you tomorrow Rukia.' _But why did it feel like he was letting go? Something wasn't right… Something was tugging at her insides… The way he'd kissed her cheek. He'd kissed her before, two or three times on the forehead; little pecks. Why was this one so different?

She had to go to him. She had to figure out what he knew that she didn't. Squatting down she slipped down from the table, much to the seamstress's dismay, "My lady, you'll dislodge the pins and hurt yourself!"

"Tanna, I've got something I have to do. Can you help me take it off real fast?" Rukia said as she searched for the zipper in the folds of the dress.

"But, you've put it off all week, it has to be ready for the reception tomorrow." Tanna replied as she looked on dumbfounded at the small girl, trying to pry herself out of the elegant gown.

"I know. I'll just be a few moments, I promise. No more than half an hour!" Rukia pleaded.

"You just love making me earn my money, don't you, child." She sighed in defeat as she helped Rukia out of the dress.

It took longer than she'd expected to finally wiggle her way out of the dress, and as she trotted toward the sixth, she realized she still had her wedding veil on, much to her annoyance. She wasn't sure where Renji had run off to, but he had to be around the sixth division somewhere, she'd just have to sniff around. After fifteen minutes she still hadn't run into him yet, and she found her mind wondering.

Maybe she was just imagining all this with Renji. Maybe she just had the jitters and was making up excuses to try and stall things- but it wasn't as if she disliked her fiancé. On the contrary, she found the young noble to be quite engaging and pleasant, if not a bit easy on the eyes as well. She paused as she mulled over her own feelings. She'd only met him three times, but her brother had encouraged her to accept the proposal, as it was a good union for the family.

She turned back toward the direction of the manor and sighed. If she wanted to get back in the designated half hour she'd promised her seamstress, she'd better start walking now. Still she wanted to find Renji and question him about his odd behavior, but she supposed she could ask him after he got back from assignment, since he broken his phone three weeks ago and had become impossible to contact.

...

"Just get your blubbering ass together and suck it up, would ya? You're embarrassin' me." Ikkaku reamed the man in front of him.

In the shelter of a secluded alley way, a place he had as a retreat when he didn't want to be bothered, Renji sat on a wooden box, trying his best to keep it together. "No one asked ya to baby-sit me, just go the fuck away, Ikkaku!" he spat back at his bald friend.

The eleventh squad man snorted in retort, "I ain't leavin' you here to wallow in self pity. Get up and get back to work if nothin' else. Ain't nobody got time for your belly achin'."

"I didn't say anything! You just keep stickin' your pointy nose in my business. I just need a little time to catch my damn breath! Is that too much t' fuckin' ask?!" Renji yelled back, torn between fury and despair.

"What is it with you? Like a love sick puppy- Either grow a pair, or move the hell on, cause I'm gettin' real tired of this shit."

Renji's voice carried a bit as he yelled back at the annoying friend whose intention was purer than his talent. "Then leave! I don't need your jaded moral support! I just need some time alone!"

A short ways from the men, a small form rounded the corner of a building, seeing Ikkaku arguing with a familiar sounding voice coming from the alley. She approached, and the bald-headed man immediately shot her a look of surprise. As she opened her mouth to speak, however, he turned sharply back to the voice from the alley and spoke.

"Look, ya moron, why won't ya just tell her how ya feel? Don't ya think it's at least worth telling her the truth?" he said, his voice slightly softer than it was a moment earlier.

"I can't. She's gettin' married next week, ya idiot!" A voice, Rukia knew was Renji's…speaking words she knew couldn't be.

"What man just sits by and lets the love of his life get away? Ain't this the second time you let her get away now, or was it the third?"

An obvious anger permeated the air then as Renji's voice came back, low and dangerous, "You think it's funny to rub my face this mess? I made my bed and now I gotta sleep in it, huh? Yeah I've made some mistakes. Maybe a lot of fuckin' mistakes. If I could throw a fuckin' switch to turn off how I feel about her I woulda done it forty fuckin' years ago! I gave her away so she could be happy! What right do I have to take that back now?!"

Ikkaku eased off, seeing the seriousness in the red-head's eyes, "I ain't makin fun… I just wanna know how you really feel about her."

Renji dropped his head into his hands, hiding his face from his friend, "I'm still crazy about her, that ain't changed… I just… I gotta let go."

Rukia's face was vacant and pale as she stared at the opening to the alleyway. Suddenly everything in her life shifted just like that, and once again, Renji had been the one to do it.

Ikkaku seemed satisfied with that response and took a step back as Rukia found herself stepping forward. She laid eyes on him finally. He was pathetically hiding his face between his arms, as his hands clasped the back of his head restlessly. "Renji…?"

The man jumped as if he'd just been struck by lightning. "R-Rukia! W-What are you- doin' here?" Surprise was an understatement.

Ikkaku slunk away as he sensed he'd accomplished his goal. It was up to the idiot red-head now.

"Is it… really true?" she whispered shakily.

Renji looked like he was afraid to breathe. His hands began to tremble as he tore his eyes away from her. "I…You weren't supposed t' hear that," he muttered seeming slightly confused and scared as he locked eyes with the ground.

"Tell me," she said solemnly, stepping closer.

His eyes flicked up to her, but he had a hard time keeping them on her for more than a few seconds. "I…I didn't want…" he began, before abruptly changing the subject, "Rukia, none of this even matters now."

"It matters to me… Renji," she spoke softly raising her fingers to trace his jaw, gently guiding his eyes to meet hers'.

His expression looked pained as he finally looked at her. His breaths were short and slightly frantic and his lips were pursed. Finally after a few failed beginnings, his words tumbled out, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner…"

"You've been… hiding this from me for forty years?" she asked.

Renji let a sad, bitter smile spread on his lips, "No… fifty at least…"

"Renji!" she gaped disbelievingly at him, "You never thought it would be a good idea to let me know?"

He exhaled and seemed to sink, "If I'd have thought…there could be an _'us'… _It doesn't matter anymore. I don't think it ever mattered," he said flatly.

"Of course it matters, you idiot!" she spat at him, looking increasingly more upset.

"How? It doesn't change anything! You're gonna get married next week, to a noble, like you should! And I'm…I'm gonna keep doing what I do without you," he said dejectedly.

"Renji… I never knew you felt this way…"

"It's been enough. All these years, just knowing you're happy and taken care of." A pause permeated the air before he spoke again, "Nothin's really changin'… you're just gettin' a new family."

"It's not fair to you," she uttered in shame. "You were my first family, and…. here I've left you broken…" Her hand reached out and clung to his'.

Calloused fingers closed over the warm digits as he stared at their interlocked hands. He appeared forlorn and defeated. "That rag-tag gang of misfits we had in Rukongai wasn't a real family, Rukia. What you have now, that's real, and I'd never ask you t' give that up."

"You're wrong, and I won't let you belittle our family like that." She wrapped her arms around his neck as she laid her cheek on his shoulder. "Because it was a family I loved."

Renji swallowed as he lowered his cheek to rest against her as he fought down the emotion welling inside of him.

"It was the only family you ever had, and I'm all that's left of it," she uttered against his neck. "It's not fair for me to have so much when you're all alone."

He cringed at her words… Was he really that pathetic? Taking in a deep breath he summoned the strength to push her away. "Rukia, whatever happens from here on, I can look after myself. I'm not made of glass. You ought t' go home and get your wedding preparations finished."

"I can't get married now." Her serious expression made her words all the more real.

He shook his head in objection, "Course you can. I told ya nothin-"

She interrupted him loudly, stomping her foot, "How can you expect me to go get married knowing how much it's hurting you, idiot?! How insensitive do you think I am?"

Renji scowled. "I don't need your pity, Rukia! I told you nothin's gonna change, now just forget about all this mess and go!" he said gesturing for her to go on home.

"I will call off the wedding," she finally blurted.

"You will not!" he objected.

She'd made up her mind, but there was one other thing she wanted to hear from him. "Do you love me, Renji?"

"What?" he asked suddenly dumfounded by the abruptness and forwardness of her question.

"Do you?" she repeated, eyes intensely focused on his'.

He quietly tried to wrap his brain around the conversation, before he finally let go of his anxiety. "'Course I do."

"Tell me," she ordered sternly, wedding veil wafting in the light breeze as she stared at him expectantly.

"No…" he muttered, " I told you I'm not gonna make you give up your life for me."

"You don't have to make me," she bit back, "I'm choosing to give up on a man that I barely know. That's not too much, is it, Renji?" Her demeanor was calm, but authoritative. As always, she'd been hard to listen to, but easy to follow.

"Rukia…" he reprimanded, feeling quite unsure about everything that was spilling out of her mouth at this point.

She touched his cheek as she spoke her next words, "I'm choosing to give another man a chance." The violet pools of her eyes were like an assurance that she knew what was best for him, and that he needed to trust her. "A good man, who I've known for a long time. A man that I know I already love."

He felt his heart melting as he gazed at her, and no matter now much his brain was telling him to push her away, his heart was reaching out to pull her in. He had to swallow hard before he could force out a feeble, "but…" from what remained of his opposition.

Her finger shushed him as an amused smile spread on her lips. "Shut up, Renji, and go home and get dressed."

He looked puzzled then. "Dressed for what?" he questioned.

"You're gonna take me out on a date tonight," she stated, as if it should have been more obvious.

"I'm- I- Wait. What?" came his garbled response. "Rukia, aren't you rushing into this? I mean, you're still engaged, and I'm- I have, like, a mountain of reports-"

"Go get dressed! Take a shower! And come pick me up at eight." She retorted as she turned to head back home.

He stood and grabbed her hand before she could go, causing her to look back at him. "You're…. You're really doin' this?" his question, so laced in disbelief it was almost endearing.

She nodded. "I wasn't really sure about the wedding to begin with, I think…" She stepped back toward him, staring at their entwined hands. "I thought I had a lot to do before, but now I've got to go cancel everything. I've got to cancel the reception, the reservations, the banquet, cancel all the flower arrangements... Telling my brother is not something I'm looking forward to, and I'm pretty sure my seamstress is going to strangle me. I really liked that dress too…"

Renji smirked at her words, "Keep the dress."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I liked it too," he said as he ran a finger over the flimsy fabric of her wedding veil.

She smiled as she reached up and pulled the accessory out of her hair before turning her back to him and starting home. "Don't try to be charming," she called back. "You already have bad marks for taking so long to tell me the truth."

He couldn't keep the grin from his lips as he watched her trot off. "What the hell just happened…?" he asked himself as he finally began to meander home.

**R/R**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

As Rukia walked home, her mind was swimming with the events that had just unfurled. Had she really just asked Renji to take her on a date?… Well more like told him to, but… beside the point- Everything seemed to hit her as she ambled down the quiet street. Renji: her best friend for God knows how long, the man who had been like a brother to her growing up, the man who she'd confided in countless times about all sorts of issues she'd never been comfortable enough to tell other people- was "crazy about her." It made her feel embarrassed, confused, curious, and a whole mob of other unnamable feelings.

She was afraid too, not because she thought something would go horribly wrong and they'd forever be weird, but she was afraid of hurting him. She knew she could be calloused sometimes, and knowing Renji, he'd never speak up about it… but there was also a fear in the back of her mind that she was using him to get herself out of this marriage. That thought made her feel horrible, but her feelings were so jumbled right now, she didn't know why she was doing this. Was she just afraid to get married? Wasn't she doing this for his sake?

"I'm just giving him a chance," she told herself, "That's more than he'd ever had before, right? I'm not leading him on or... or deceiving him." She loved Renji, yes, but not in a way that felt any different than she did last week. It was a 'best friend' sort of love, not really a romantic sort. What if she never felt any differently toward him? What if he began to resent her for it? What if- She sighed. She was getting ahead of herself. After a few calming breaths she started to focus.

First thing's first, she had to break this all to her brother, although maybe she'd leave out the part about Renji being in love with her…. and maybe the bit where they were going on a date tonight too… Actually, maybe she'd just leave out all the parts that happened today. She'd just tell her brother that she'd changed her mind and didn't want to get married right now. It seemed the best option for now.

She stopped by and apologized to her seamstress for taking so long, and told the lady to just go home for today. Then it was off to see her brother. He was in his office, as usual, although rather than dealing with work, he was sifting through family files and managing financial documents that would need to be changed after the wedding. She stepped in meekly offering a soft greeting as she sat before him.

"Your dress is finished already? Moments ago Tanna was in here raving to me about how you'd disappeared," he said evenly as he skimmed over some papers.

Rukia swallowed before she collected her nerve and spoke, "Actually, Nii-sama, I wanted to talk to you about that."

His eyes lifted from the paper and he laid it flat on the desk as he made eye contact with her, waiting patiently.

"I…. I've decided not to go through with the wedding." There it was, out in the open. Surely he was going to be upset with her, it was just a question of how upset.

Byakuya didn't look terribly surprised, only a flicker of disappointment seemed to give him away. "Rukia," he began, "I know you don't know Homura-sama very intimately yet, but I'm confident you are well matched. I've told you this wedding is about more than just you. Our family will benefit greatly from this endeavor. Do you really want to spoil that because you've gotten cold feet?"

Rukia frowned, "Nii-sama, you know that our family is very important to me, I just… I'm not ready to get married yet. It's all happening so fast. Please understand."

The stone-faced captain closed his eyes, breathing deeply before he spoke again, "I sympathize with your uncertainty, Rukia, but I strongly urge you to reconsider this decision. You know how it will make us look in the eyes of the other noble clans. Even the general public will see this disgrace on our family."

Rukia seemed to shrink in on herself as she nodded back to him, "I…I know, but… I just… I can't go through with it. I'm sorry for my selfishness."

There was a long silence as her brother watched her, the wheels in his brain clearly turning to decipher her. Something was unspoken, and he was trying to uncover it. "There's another man." He finally stated.

Rukia looked up at him, slightly shocked, but didn't say anything. Was he asking her or was he stating that it was obvious? Well, of course he'd deduce something like that. What else would make her cancel the engagement? Another man would probably be her first guess too if she were him… Still she wasn't about to spill her guts.

He looks away from her with a sigh. "Rukia," he begins, "sometimes it's best to keep up appearances even if you are lying through your teeth."

Rukia seemed confused as she listened with concern creasing her visage. "Nii-sama?"

"I mean it's better to have yourself a lover behind the curtains than to make the mistake you're about to make." He paused before he turned back to her. "Take some time to think about what I said. I'll delay the wedding until you reach the right decision."

The petite shinigami seemed dumbfounded as she shuffled out of the suffocating room. Her head was swimming with doubts, 'what if's,' and 'no way's,' and it was making her head hurt. The stress of this crazy day was just compounding it seemed. At least the wedding was on hiatus for now. She wondered how Renji would take the news though… Maybe she shouldn't tell him just now. Tonight she'd just try to enjoy herself, although she hoped it wouldn't feel too awkward, especially after what her brother had just insinuated.

As she prettied herself up for their date, her mind wondered. Renji had a knack for reading her, but he was also easy to duck, she knew. If he pressed her she'd just have to change the subject. He'd usually back off when he knew he was hitting a nerve. In a way she knew just how to play him to get him to do what she wanted, which was nice for her. In hindsight, however, it was probably hard on him. Maybe it was why he'd never told her how he felt up until now.

She was done with her makeup and hair. Her white and red kimono was pristine and suited her well as she gazed at herself in the mirror. She was happy with her looks, but the churning in the pit of her stomach was not one of excitable butterflies. She felt like she was about to go into the lions den and find something dark and ugly. Surely it was just her imagination. Renji had always been good to her and made her feel safe and comforted. Why then was she filled with such anxiety and dread? Surely it wasn't him that made her feel this way. The wedding was on hiatus for now, so it wasn't pressing on her nerves like it had been this morning… She just felt exhausted and confused as all hell. Some alcohol was definitely in order for tonight.

She decided to wait out on the sidewalk rather than have him come and formally pick her up. She didn't really want her brother to see him after earlier. It wasn't long before Renji's tall form came moseying up the road. She felt a smile spread across her lips as she saw him dressed up in a dashing dark red haori over a black kimono and hakama. Of course his ever faithful headband and ponytail threw the neat, tidy look off a bit, but still he looked quite nice for his usual tattered shinigami uniform. She stood up as he approached.

"You're a little late, you know," she smirked at him.

He seemed shy as he rubbed his neck and diverted his gaze, "I had a hard time figurin' out what to wear… even though I didn't have too many choices past my uniform…"

She giggled. "Well you look nice. Where'd you get such a nice kimono?" she touched the silky material as she asked.

He smirked, "Bought it on the way here…"

She laughed, "Oh really now? Must be trying to impress someone."

"Is it workin'," he asked comically as he offered her his arm.

"It was until you told me you bought it on the way here," she said as she took it and began to walk along side him.

"Damn. Guess I'll take it back on the way home then."

She laughed and elbowed him, "Idiot."

She was sure he was just as nervous as she was, but his quips made her smile and it made her feel better. After a little while she wondered what it was she'd been so worried about before. The two of them had always had a connection when they were together. Even when things were strained, there was still some unknown between them that tied them together. God knew it wasn't always easy between them, but still they'd always rebound just like a spring.

"No! No! No," she blurted in a fit of laughter. "Renji, no more drinks! I'm serious! I don't even think I can walk straight as it is," she said covering his mouth with one hand and pulling his arm down with the other. Making sure he couldn't order any more drinks.

"Ah, c'mon Rukia," he said after her hand allowed him to speak again. "Ain't we celebratin' or what?" He really didn't intend to order any more alcohol, he just liked how she jumped up to stop him every time he tried.

"Seriously, you're gonna be carrying me home at this rate," she warned.

He let a crooked smirk spread, "Oh, like bridal style?"

"I've had enough 'bridal style' to last me a while, thanks."

"Well, I mean I could sling you over my shoulder if you'd prefer. Potato style." He gestured to illustrate how he meant.

She pushed his face away playfully. "Shaddup, Renji. Take me home."

He laughed as he fished out his wallet and laid some cash on the table. "Alright. Alright. Guess you just don't know how to have extended periods of fun."

As they stood from the table and started toward the door, Rukia retorted to his banter. "You call drowning in liquor until your wallet is flat extended periods of fun? Is the next day's hangover counted in that period?"

"Live in the moment a little, Rukia. If the liquor's crisp and the company's good, tomorrow's a million mile's away." He gently took her hand in his then, "and the company wasn't too bad tonight, ey?"

Rukia eyed him and shook her head, unable to keep from smiling. "Don't flatter yourself."

He smirked as he began to swing their hands in-between them playfully. As they walked down the dimly lit street, hands swinging like a couple of kids, Renji let a small chuckle escape as he stared at the passing gravel beneath their feet.

The petite shinigami looked up to his face, "You know, Renji," she began, "You've been a little weird tonight."

Renji stopped swinging their arms and looked at her. "Is that bad?"

Rukia shook her head, "No… just… I dunno. Like you were more open that usual I guess. I felt like I could ask you anything and you'd give me a straight answer."

"C'mon Rukia. I'm not a liar," he said sounding offended.

"I don't mean like that, I mean… like all this time you always had something to hide, but tonight you didn't. It was like meeting the real you," she said sincerely.

"You make it sound like I'm Batman or something when you say it like that… Which is cool, I guess. Batman is pretty badass."

"Oh my God. Nevermind," she groaned. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, you know."

Renji smiled. "C'mon Rukia, I'm just messin' with you. I get it." His features softened and she felt him squeeze her hand very slightly. "I kinda feel like a new man right now honestly. It's been a long time since I just… let myself go. All these years holdin' myself back. Wantin' to hold on to you while watchin' you walk away… I guess it changes you after so long."

Rukia felt her heart jump into her throat when his eyes turned down toward her. The look in his mahogany pools was real, and it was suddenly frightening to look into them.

"Don't laugh, Rukia," he began, "but I've known for a long time that you're the one."

"Renji…" she seemed reluctant to hear him.

She stumbled into him as he pulled her around in front of him, "I'll always belong to you. Even if things don't work out, I'm sure that won't ever change. You're my one and only." Even as he confessed things that might make any other woman weak in the knees, Rukia felt afraid. Yet, she found her cheeks were warm, and it was definitely from more than just the alcohol.

Renji smiled softly, his fingers tangled in hers', "Sorry to be so forward like this, but I'm a little drunk… and I been waitin' to tell you that for way longer than I ever wanted to wait."

Was she's actually being charmed by Renji? The same Renji that used to push her in the river and put crickets under her blanket while she slept. It's true she had felt some romantic notions towards him when they were in the academy together, but those were feelings long past. Feeling butterflies for him now mostly just felt strange. Still she'd never really given him the opportunity until now. Obviously, he was not letting it go to waste with a whooper like that.

She must have remained silent too long for his liking, because he abruptly proceeded to crack jokes at her, "Yes, I am Batman. Guess it was too much for you to handle after all."

"Renji!" She swatted at him as he backed up with a soft chuckle. "How are you making jokes after that?"

His visage was relaxed, and he appeared to be in high spirits, "Well you're about the same color as a beet, so I'm not feeling that worried."

She gave him a look that clearly read to him 'be serious please,'

He sighed and sank down into a squat, seeming to mull over his next words as he poked at a pebble, "Listen Rukia, even if you never feel the same, it's okay. If I drop dead tomorrow I can die without regret at least." His eyes sheepishly flickered up to her momentarily as he spoke again, "not that… there wasn't a second part to that bucket list entrée though…"

Rukia stepped up in front of him, making him arc his neck as he looked up from the ground at her. She looked more comfortable than she did a moment earlier. "And what was that second part?"

He smirked, "I don't think I want to go into detail about part two right here. That'd be embarrassing."

Rukia couldn't keep a straight face after that, she shook her head trying not to laugh. "You're a pervert."

The red-head chuckled, "This is news?"

She groaned as she grabbed his hands and pulled him until he stood up. With her hand in his', they returned to their former pace as the city's lights grew dimmer through the night. "I can't believe you just spilled all that to me like that. Who even does that?"

"A drunk guy whose been holding it in for half a century would be my first guess," he responded nonchalantly.

As the couple slowly came into view of the Kuchiki manor, Rukia stopped, tugging Renji's hand and drawing him to a stop as well. "You shouldn't go all the way to the gate with me," she said implying that his low status was still an issue.

"Ah… right," he muttered, seeming to come down for the first time that whole night.

Rukia cleared her throat, her fingers still locked in his', "Well, I guess this is the end of our date."

"Mm," he agreed softly, his eyes uncertain as he stared at their interlocked fingers, before he looked up to her pretty face.

She could see him draw closer to her. He wanted to kiss her, she knew, but his old insecurity had resurfaced and gripped him like a vise. She had expected him to be awkward and spurious at best tonight, but he had been nothing but wonderful, and she thought it silly that he should trip at the finish line.

She felt her cheeks warm as she leaned up and finished the distance he was unable to cross. Their lips met in what was a chasm of emotion for the both of them. Soft lips mingled only briefly before they parted with a smack.

A silence hung between them that needed no words. Fire seemed to spread in their veins as their eyes could not disengage. Then his oversized hand slid up and cupped her flushed cheek, and it was only a second before he felt her two hands on the sides of his neck as their lips reconnected with fervor. She felt her stomach flop as his tender mouth opened and he sucked her bottom lip between his teeth. Her knees were literally knocking by the time they parted again. Her hands slid down the front of his kimono, the silky fabric sliding between her fingers as he stood up straight, crimson eyes burning like she'd never seen.

She reluctantly released him and took a moment to catch her stolen breath. "Good night."

"Night," he replied back as she turned and walked toward the front gate of the manor, trying to calm her pounding heart.

Renji watches her until she disappears behind the walls of the manor. He is filled with such exhilaration, he can't help the yell of excitement that rings out through the night as he finally turns back toward home.

Rukia giggles to herself as she hears Renji's hoot from inside the manor walls. "Idiot," she mutters as she makes her way to her bedroom. She was feeling confused and a bit scared, but mostly she felt a sense of euphoria. Renji had done everything right, and she had been surprised at how perfect he'd seemed tonight. His drunken confessions were certainly more than she'd expected, but it was also sweet… He'd taken the pressure off of her by telling her she didn't have to feel the same, he'd just wanted her to know the truth... but she wondered if maybe she was feeling something more for him now. She'd liked guys before, sure, but she wasn't sure if she'd ever really been in love... Certainly not how Renji had so poetically put it earlier; knowing she was "the one." She wasn't sure what love felt like, but whatever she was feeling now felt nice, whatever it was. Still Rukia just couldn't get over the fact that it was Renji that was making her weak in the knees. That kiss still had her heart fluttering in her throat. Maybe tomorrow she'd let him kiss her again…

Byakuya eyed his sister as she shuffled down the hall, oblivious to his presence. His icy eyes looked past her in the direction of the manor gate. He decided, this mystery man she'd obviously been out with all night needed a good talking to. He slipped out quietly.

Renji was on cloud nine and nothing was about to bring him back down. The smile on his lips just wouldn't fade away as he stared up at the starry sky above him. The moon was high and bright and as he meandered down the street he recalled the events of the evening as he gazed at it. He folded his hands into his sleeves before letting a sigh escape. God he felt good. The euphoria was interrupted, however, when he felt the familiar spirit pressure of his squad captain suddenly thundering down his back. He turned, nervously looking over his shoulder and, sure enough, laid eyes on his captain's daunting form.

"Abarai… Why am I not surprised?" he said gravely.

"T-Taichou? W…What're you doin' out so late?" Renji began, feeling quite uneasy at the sudden turn of events.

The squad captain's wary eyes looked him over, noticing his formal clothes and the subtle flush of his cheeks. The scent of alcohol was obvious enough. "Just wanted to meet the dolt who was after my sister."

Renji wasn't sure what all Rukia had told him, but quickly deduced she'd neglected the part about himself being involved. "Ah, M-Me and Rukia just went out for some drinks tonight. No need to throw the book at me, Sir."

"Do not lie to me," Byakuya said dangerously as he came face to face with his moronic vice captain.

Renji suddenly became very sober, "S-Sorry Sir."

"So did you have a good time?" The smaller man asked indifferently.

Renji wasn't sure what to make of this. He felt like he should be running for Zabimaru, with the way Byakuya's spirit pressure was pounding down around him, but obviously he was going to have to get out of this with words alone, as Zabimaru was not with him right now. "I…uh, yes sir."

The Captain's stormy eyes stared into him as if he was a slab of meat that needed to be carved. "You are a good soldier, Abarai, but you're still a commoner, and as such, you cannot pursue a noble woman. Do you understand?"

Renji felt his insides twist. He understood, but he was tired of stepping aside and watching her live her life without him. She'd finally offered him the thing he'd always wanted. He'd be damned if he'd let anyone yank it out of his fingers now that he'd finally gotten a grip. "I understand, Taichou," he began, "but that won't change anything."

Byakuya's eyes narrowed at his vice captain's defiance.

"So long as Rukia will have me, I'll keep pursuing her. I love her…I've always loved her, and I always will." Renji's voice was unwavering as he declared so brazenly that he wasn't going to listen to his captain in this instance. "You can't change that."

Byakuya's eyes softened very slightly and his mouth fell open at the shocking declaration and disobedience from his lieutenant. There was a moment of pause as Byakuya gathered his words. "Renji." He began with the man's first name, "Rukia is still engaged."

Renji's stern expression cracked at the news, "S-She's going to cancel the wedding. She told me."

"No, she isn't," the captain's voice quickly replied, "The wedding has been postponed, but Rukia is still set to marry Homura-sama."

The red-head clenched his jaw as his eyes bore holes into the ground in front of him. "She won't go through with it," he argued, believing solemnly that Rukia would keep her word to him.

"I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but you need to listen, because what I have to say to you is advice you absolutely must heed."

Renji's brow drew as he looked at his captain's moonlit face. He didn't want to hear anything this man had to say. The snake would surely say anything to try and come between himself and Rukia. He'd been held off by obstacles for far too many years, and he wasn't about to get hung up again after finally breaking through. "I don't want your advice, Taichou."

"Renji, you gave her up all those years ago, didn't you? Now, why did you go and do that if you loved her so much?" The dark-haired man asked.

"I don't want your advice!" Renji repeated, growing increasingly agitated.

"Come on, Renji don't lie to yourself. Be honest. Why did you let me take her all those years ago?"

Renji's fists were clenched and shaking as he knew where this conversation was headed. "Things are different now!" he yelled.

"Are they?" Byakuya questioned. "You wanted to give her a better life, didn't you? A life you couldn't give her."

Renji bit his lip, not wanting to listen to another word from the man's mouth.

"A life where she'd be fully provided for, spoiled even. You wanted that for her, didn't you, Renji?"

"I… I can provide for her now. I make enough."

"Oh come now. I sign your paychecks. I know how much you make. You can't possibly think the two of you could live off of that for any reasonable amount of time. Certainly you'd never be able to start a family off of that. If Rukia were to abandon this marriage and choose to go live with you, she'd lose everything. Her one hope would be that something happened to you, so that she could get your pension." Byakuya paused as he watched Renji take in everything he was saying. "Can't you see that everything you've sacrificed for her will have been in vain if you continue on this path?"

"I-I love her… I wanna be with her." Renji said dejectedly as he tried justify his actions.

Byakuya sighed and put a hand on his lieutenant's shoulder, "I sympathize with you, Renji. I really do. I know what it's like to lose the one you love most."

Renji's eyes flickered to his captain's visage and he frowned, "It's not the same as it was with you and Hisana."

"It's true. It's not the same. Hisana is gone, and nothing I do or say will save her, but Rukia is still here, and you can still save her, Renji. You can give her a bountiful, happy future, where she'll never have to face the poverty you grew up in. She'll never have to worry about money, food, shelter, or clothes. She'll be happy for the rest of her days. Isn't that what you want for her?"

"I…want her to be happy," he said softly.

"Then walk away. Can't you see? You're the shackles holding her down, Renji."

Byakuya's words drove into him like iron nails. He understood. He'd always kept his leash on for a reason. Before today, he'd known all this. He'd lived his life by all this. Rukia had shown him just enough for him to pretend like things could work themselves out, but Byakuya had swiftly reminded him. He'd lived this life of torture all these years in her shadow for a reason. How a few affectionate words from her made him forget that, he didn't know. In any case, it all came crashing down on him once again, and he knew he'd been wrong to try and court her. He'd given in to his own selfish temptations, and his heart would suffer for it. He just hoped hers' wouldn't as well.

He swallowed hard as his captain's hand slid from his shoulder. "Are we on the same page now, Abarai?" he asked, sounding indifferent as he questioned the man he'd just shattered into pieces.

Renji nodded.

"Good man."

**A/N: You thought it was all going to be rainbows and butterflies, didn't you? *maniacal laughter* Silly readers, don't you know I can't write happy stories? I'm incapable… It's a condition imo. I thrive on depressing shit. Anywho, read and review plz~ Reviews are like tips~ tip your writer!**


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